Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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