eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
