I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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