i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
