Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
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Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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