I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
