we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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