I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
