when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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