I have demons in me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
