I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
