When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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