I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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