I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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