Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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