yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
