what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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