Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
