i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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