So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
