You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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