i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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