he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
