Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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