There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
