last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
