I think I just saw someone hide a body.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
