she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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