So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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