she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
