His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
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It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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