i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
