Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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