hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
