I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
