They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
