my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
