just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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