I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
