So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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