I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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