I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
