Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
