I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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