Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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