I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
