i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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