my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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