Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
