I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
