how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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