no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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