If i come over, it means nothing
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
