His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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