Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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