if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
