did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
