can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
