Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
