but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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