Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
