so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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