Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
